


What's in the bag?

by Melime



Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: Domestic, Established Relationship, Humor, M/M, Murder
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-17
Updated: 2017-04-17
Packaged: 2018-10-20 03:01:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10653552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Melime/pseuds/Melime
Summary: Ed comes home dragging a dead body, but that's no reason for Oswald to stop revising his financial records.





	What's in the bag?

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Português brasileiro available: [O que está no saco?](https://archiveofourown.org/works/10653558) by [Melime GreenLeaf (Melime)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Melime/pseuds/Melime%20GreenLeaf)



> Based on [this prompt](https://if-we-re-talking-stories.tumblr.com/post/156220865970/whats-in-the-bag-not-a-dead-body-okay) by [if-we-re-talking-stories](https://if-we-re-talking-stories.tumblr.com/):

“What’s in the bag?” Oswald asked, without raising his eyes from the financial records he was revising.

Ed dropped the bag he was dragging, startled. He was hoping Oswald wouldn’t be home, so he hadn’t come up with an excuse. “Not a dead body.”

“ _Okay_ , we have got to work on your lying skills. Try to sound more convincing. What’s in the bag?” Oswald asked, still with his eyes low.

“ _Definitely_ not a dead body,” he said, teasing Oswald.

Oswald sighed, not in the mood to play. “And why are you bringing him _inside_ the house, instead of _outside_?”

“What falls but never gets hurt?”

Oswald closed his eyes, and counted to ten. “I am aware it’s raining, but that doesn’t answer my question.”

“Well,” Ed grabbed the bag by one end, “I’m not going to dig a grave under this rain.”

“Do I even want to know who that is?”

“No one you know, I believe.”

If Ed was making him play twenty questions.... “And what did he do to deserve his untimely demise?”

“How do you know it’s a he?”

Again, without even raising his eyes, Oswald said calmly, “Because you only kill women you are sleeping with, and if you were cheating on me, it would be your dead body in that bag.”

Ed dropped the bag again. “That was more arousing than intimidating.”

“It was supposed to be neither, just a statement of fact, and you are not getting anyway near me before you shower.”

“You didn’t mind last time.”

“Last time we killed together and I was still under the influence of that rush a murder gives you, you did this one yourself, so I’m not touching his blood.”

“Will you at least help me carry him?”

“Your kill, your problem.”

“What if I said he was an investigative reporter who was after you?”

That finally got Oswald to raise his eyes. “Then I would say there are better ways to deal with his sort than murder.”

“Oswald…” Ed said, because they both knew that Oswald would probably have stabbed the reporter multiple times, or possibly plunged him with his cane. Which Ed would have loved to watch, and now he regretted he didn’t bring the reporter back alive.

“Fine, leave him there and I’ll ask Gabe to get rid of the body. Now go shower, you have blood on your face.”

“Meet you upstairs?” Ed asked hopeful, all this imagining Oswald doing some killings gave him some ideas.

“I need to finish these finances.”

Time to play dirty. “But I left a dead body on your living room, don’t you want to _punish_ me?”

Oswald closed his eyes, and inhaled sharply. “Go take your shower, I’ll be there in fifteen minutes.”


End file.
